Screen time is such a hot button issue in modern parenting. Often we feel like whatever we do isn’t right. That’s due in part to the mere fact that our childhood simply didn’t involve screens beyond a TV or maybe a desktop PC with average dial-up internet.
When it comes to managing screen time for our kids, there are some very simple guidelines to follow; and all of them revolve around acknowledging that every family has different needs.
Quality vs Quantity
While it is a good idea to set time limits on device and screen use, we should be conscious of what our children are watching, playing, and using during that allotted time. While there are often governmental guidelines for amounts of time to spend, they don’t factor in the material consumed.
How much is only one smaller piece of the puzzle, we’ve also got to look at what they’re doing with screens when their using screens, how they’re using screens and also who they are using screens with… If we use our guidelines which are based on a child’s chronological age as the starting point, we can then dive deeper and explore the issue in a broader sense.
Banish the techno guilt
One of the murky undertones of screen use can be fear of judgement from other parents combined with the thought that we are failing our kids when they are using screens. This just fuels our own feelings of guilt for using technology.
This guilt should be banished. Our children are growing up in an era where the concept of a “plugged in childhood” is a reality, and this shouldn’t be stigmatised.
Consider what the screen is being used to displace. Be it a frequency of video games that are displacing outdoor play, or a face to face interaction being sacrificed for one online. So long as a child’s basic developmental needs are met, we don’t need to fret about how much time they’re spending online. We, as parents, have to set boundaries around when and how or where they use screens, and if we balance their screen time with their green time… we can ditch that guilt.
Role modelling
It may seem obvious, but our children absorb so much of our behaviours often without our noticing. It’s all well and good to give your children parameters around technology use but if we aren’t giving ourselves the same boundaries, then the messages about a healthy relationship toward screens can be misconstrued as punishment.
There is no use in telling your kids to get off the phone at dinner time when you’re the one that’s checking your Twitter feed… You do have to model good behaviour and put the phone down yourself.
Educate and engage
With young children, it’s great to make time to sit down and co-view. Not only does this sound like a good idea, Kirsty points out there’s a huge amount of research that supports it. We know that children up until 24 and 36 months actually can’t make meaning from 2D screens so in those very formative years, co-viewing is absolutely vital. As children get older if we start to use technology with them they start to understand that it’s just a tool and it gets rid of this notion that technology is something that’s toxic or it’s taboo.
This focus on education and practicality will set your family up for healthy relationships around technology and communication later in life too. If we encourage our kids to use technology with us and that it’s a valuable tool, it prevents kids from driving the behaviour underground where they’re sneaking off to their friend’s house to get their dose of digital.
It’s okay to be bored
The whinge of “I’m bored” can be every parent’s worst nightmare. You can counter it by having a “bored box” on hand full of things your kids can do with their hands that aren’t screen-based. When kids come to you and say I’m bored, often we reach for the digital pacifier, for the screen to ameliorate their feelings… Giving them some options about some off-screen activities.
And if none of that works, it’s also really beneficial for everyone, not just kids, to be bored!
Boredom is one of the greatest gifts you can give your child… We know from a neuroscientific perspective that their prefrontal cortex, which is the basically the CEO of their brain gets to switch off when they’re bored. This is when they enter what we call ‘mind wandering mode’… there’s so much temptation to stimulate them just by giving them the screen. It’s actually okay to let them be bored. I once heard a parent say “I’m not here to be your entertainment, going and find something to do yourself. Amazingly…it works !!!
Set clear and reasonable boundaries
Finally, the techno tantrum can be avoided. It’s not going to be pain-free but if we are consistent with our boundaries, there should be a pay off. We need to set guidelines right from the start, let them know how much time they can have on a daily basis, during the week, after homework, after they’ve gotten dressed in the morning… So you’re making sure that they get those basic things done before they get any screen time.
Plus, it is a challenge and we need to be gentle on ourselves. When we’re not consistent we need to give ourselves a break and not see ourselves as a ‘bad parent.’ Where we can be consistent, when we set guidelines and stick to them, don’t forget to give yourself a mental high-five.
